School stresses me out

 I am currently sitting in a cubicle on the second floor of the library with tea stains on my pants and shirt- along with gallons of water in my eye just waiting to pour out. I am not where I want to be. I am not who I want to be, and it makes me so upset because I feel like I've been working so hard in the wrong direction. While I enjoy my major- it is not what I want to do. I know just because you get a degree in something doesn't mean you have to stick with it, but it hurts to watch other people pursuing what I want to do. It is so hard to focus my time on work, that I feel does not matter to me in the long run. But I am also embarrassed to pursue what I want because people who are close to me whose opinions I care about oppose my passions and desires. People claim to understand me, but I don't feel like anyone truly does. My brain is so scattered and it is hard for me to get information out. Instead of letting that information flourish, I feel like people try to conceal it. I feel like I can't love all the things I love and do everything I want to do. My dream is to be a film director for feature films, but I would also love to act in movies, as well as direct concerts. I could manage how the lights work, different aspects of the show like fire, or what goes on the screen. I would love to be a dance choreographer. For contest routines for drill teams and even for big events like the Super Bowl. I want to be in the entertainment industry, and I want to make it big in film. I feel so behind from everyone else who is majoring in things like that because I am just doing it as a minor right now, hoping to get into graduate school for film. I am now not crying as much. I've cried too many tears over film to not do something big. I just wish I could trust the future more than I do. I wish I could trust myself as well. I know I will work hard and I won't stop till I get it, but I do not yet know the cost of my perseverance. Alrighty well, I gotta study and then go workout and practice- so I will write ya a little later. You guys got this. Keep pushing and working hard. Love each other, good people support your hustle always. Stop sitting around waiting for something to happen, and make it happen. I love you.


R

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