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Your Pinterest Quote of an Excuse

 Them: “But it feels like YOU'RE replacing me”  Me: “Oh no no no I would never, I could never, you’re my…” Something you always needed confirmation for, yet it should have been something I asked instead. Throughout all those years I never expected to be replaced or dropped so instantaneously. You always made it seem like I would be the one to move on without you, if anything. No matter what people told me about you, our frienship, I never let that alter my view of you. I guess sometimes we make wrong assumptions of people. It doesn’t feel good to see you moving on so easily. Having someone just fill my spot and going on as though we never even met. I understand why you feared that loss... being on the other end is hurtful and hard. The sad part is I saw it coming a few weeks before, but I thought I was being ridiculous and decided not to believe myself. My second guesses have always been wrong, but I truly felt I was right this time. Every sign I should have taken with more conside
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If A Silent Lover Could Speak

Written on 11/28/2022 Oh the things I wish I could say. The way that you encapsulate my mind every second leaves me sitting through my classes without a single scribble on the page, even driving around the city forgetting which way is right and which is left. How do you do that thing? That thing where you make me feel like nothing else matters. That thing where when my phone buzzes I hope that it is you, but as soon as I see your name I get that funny feeling like I should be nervous. That thing where when I feel scared I make myself feel obligated to tell you everything because you make me feel better. You make me feel good. You make me feel the sun in the sky through the dark cloudy days. You make the storms refreshing and the puddles endless mirrors that hold importance. You create symbolic meaning for everyday objects so that when I see them, I think of you. My life used to be managed by the sunrise and set. Everyday I hoped I could see it again the next day. The sun's clockwor
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This was a prompt and I answered it

Growing up I was always the kid who wanted to be the first to try everything. Why? First, because I was the oldest and I had to make sure whatever we were attempting was safe for my younger brother, and second I was not afraid. I wanted to try everything I could in this life because it seemed fun. However, as I've grown older, I have kept this trait, but it has a different purpose behind it. I go first to protect the ones I love because I would rather be in pain than someone I love, and I try everything because life is too short not to try. I have fears like everyone, but I don't allow those fears to take over my choices and actions. Learning more about being a Marine from my dad- it is clear who I got these traits from. He has been a huge mentor in my life for as long as I can remember. From coaching my 6-year-old rec basketball team making us run lines and learn to discipline ourselves as individuals and as a team-holding one another accountable, to helping me establish littl
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Fish Tears

I am sitting here at Hope Harbor lifeguarding on a Sunday, crying about my fish Aphroditis. She was the sweetest fish ever, and I loved her so so much. Unfortunately, she passed away a couple of weeks ago due to a bacterial infection. She died while I was on vacation, so I never got the proper goodbye- and to make things even worse... it was her birthday. I don't know what brought on this sudden sadness other than the fact that I was looking for a new animal to take down to college with me. Of course, I don't want another fish because it feels like I am replacing her, so I have been looking at alternatives. I am upset thinking about the fact that I will not get to drive with her anymore. Taking her down to school with me, and letting her travel with me everywhere I go. Aphroditis loved the song Gucci Flip Flops and was a fan of LED lights. She loved all kinds of music, and car rides, and every morning she would greet me at the side of her tank. When I first bought her, she wasn
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Flawed sounded weird after a while of writing this

I am flawed. Just like everyone, I have parts of myself I do not like and things I am working on changing.  I am flawed. I overthink. I think of every possibility to before making a decision, which means it takes me longer than most to come to a conclusion. I think of every good outcome, and every bad consequence. So I scare myself away from people. I am flawed. I am hard on myself. I don't let myself get by on any excuses, and I hold myself to such a high standard that it hurts me to not let loose every once in a while. I am flawed. I am a perfectionist. If I envision something in my head, then it must come out the exact way that I imagined it.  I am flawed. I try to put others before myself, always. Except, I tend to fail quite often at that- being that I don't have enough time in the day to cater to all my peoples needs. I am flawed. I don't take good enough care of my body. I don't go to bed at a decent time, and I wake up early for work. I take showers to keep myse
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the question.

I hate being asked that question. I hate it with every fiber in my body. Being asked that question makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up perfectly straight, it makes the water I just drank bubble and boil inside my body, it makes me turn red and release steam from my ears, it makes me absolutely furious. I won't bother going into depth about this question, nor will I state what that question is. I will, however, explain why it makes me so angry. I am not typically one to ponder on emotions or let my emotions steer my life. Easily I can detach myself from how I am feeling and make myself forget other times. That seems like a bad trait to have, or at least that is what most people tell me, and sense they are my friends I choose to believe them, but it also helps me in certain situations. Being someone who doesn't like to talk to others about how they feel, unless they are happy or excited, means that I can aid and assist myself when I need me the most. If I am sad, I can
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Giving Up

I was bike riding with my dad the other day as our form of physical activity for the day last Saturday. We biked 3.5 miles to the junior high, got off our bikes, ran a mile, did 100 crunches, got back on the bikes, and started our trek home. The running was the easy part. Going back home, we had to maneuver uphill for about 2 miles. We had a goal of completing this all in 45 minutes. As we are biking back we hit a cross in the road where we are having to wait for cars to pass by, of course this is right before we start going uphill. Before we crossed the street my dad looked back at me and said, "Raegan this hill is going to be like other things you face in your life. It's going to be hard and its going to suck, but you keep pushing until you get to the end. Maybe you're going to want to give up or maybe you'll get too tired, but you keep pushing". It was so motivational and it really go me in the zone, and then I realized I began to take this little bike ride wor
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