Nurses>>>>>

2-14-2022

       I started my trek to the blood drive trucks on campus in hopes that I would be able to get my blood drawn so that I could donate it and save lives. However, one thing has always held me back. My biggest fear, needles. They're pointy, sharp, and they hurt you by penetrating your arm. Mostly anywhere there's a nurse or doctor- the weapon is present. When I was younger I always knew when I was getting a shot, because I had to know in advance to mentally prepare myself, otherwise it wouldn't go well. Even still, sometimes it would go horrible even with months of preparation. I remember specifically two distinct times I went to the doctor's office and it went terrible. Of course, there are more times than I can count, but these two go in the best of all-time book. 

   First, when I was receiving my shots for high school I fought the nurses and they had to bring in 3 to pin me down to the table and give me a shot. I did indeed apologize afterward for my behavior- but I couldn't help it- they were trying to stab me. 

   Second, I was extremely sick so my mother, against my word, took me to the doctor. They said they needed to run blood tests and I had no idea what that meant. My mind began to race as I was confused as to how they would get blood from my body. My mother knew this was not a good sign and she as well as I began to panic. She tried to calm me down, but we all can assume how that went. My mum explained "So they will bring in this big needle... just don't look at it... then they will tie a band around your arm super tight and squeeze it. Then, they will stick the needle in your arm until they find a vein and will take your blood. It only hurts a little bit and only lasts at most two minutes". Umm, I am sorry what? You're telling me they are about to stab me until they can find a vein AND then they are going to leave the needle in? Oh, and it is long? So instead of making me feel better- she scares me even more and I begin to hyperventilate, as well as cry hysterically. The nurse hesitantly walks through the door and we have the same terror in our eyes. The nurse says, "Are we feeling ok?", I answer immediately, "No". The nurse stares at me and then looks back to my mum for help or reassurance. "Well," the nurse says, "I am going to just prick your finger today and take some blood. You're gonna be just fine". Once again I panic even more. What is a finger prick? How bad is this gonna hurt? I thought you were sticking a huge needle in my arm. She begins to put on her latex gloves. "Oh Rae you're gonna be just fine, finger pricks are easy," my mum says. "What is a finger prick?" I ask. "Well you see this thing right here?" the nurse pulls a box-like contraption off of the table. "There is a small little needle inside and it's just gonna poke your finger. Have you done this before?" "No." my mum and I answer in unison. "Well it's super easy, and you can choose which finger I use". The nurse scoots closer and I back away. She comes to the edge of the table and asks for a finger. I do not move. I am frozen. She looks at my mum and asks again. My mum rises from her seat and comes to grab my hand. I begin to shake uncontrollably and cry. Over and over I am saying "no" but neither of them seem to care. She pricks my finger and I cry more. "It's done, it's done," she says, "You did it Rae!" my mum says happily. Unfortunately, the nurse proceeds to SCRATCH my now pricked finger on a cup and burns my soul when doing so. The nurse places a bandaid onto my finger and leaves the room. The space begins to feel funny and before I knew it, I threw up. I had been so worked up over a finger prick that I threw up. My mum's reply was "Ewww Rae". 

   I finally make it to the blood drive trucks. I call my mum and talk to her about her day and inform her I will be donating blood. There was no other option. I walk to the table outside of the trucks and tell them I would like to donate, but have an intense fear of needles. They asked if I would like to try to donate and I said that I was going to donate- I would not leave without donating- I feel like I need to do this, but I am extremely scared. The man opened the door for me, and a cold whoosh of air hit me. It was freezing inside the truck. I sat down in a cubical chair right along the inside of the truck. "Fill out this survey and they will call you when they are ready for you," the man said. I scanned the QR code for the survey and began. Have you given blood before? No. Do you understand that you could have side effects from donating? Yes. Yada yada yada. The small office next to me was the evaluation room. Once the boy was done going over his paperwork- it would be my turn. "All done!" Said the women around the corner, and what did my dumb self do? I turned my head around the corner to find a huge needle and a bag of blood being held in the air. I thought I was about to have a panic attack. I began to speak with my mum- "I am so scared" "I want to do this but I am so scared" "I just saw a huge needle". My mum began to cheer me on and asked if I wanted her to explain the process to me. I immediately said "No, do you remember the last time you explained that to me?" She laughed. "Raegan." The nurse from the cubical called. I stood up and walked into the office. "Alright sweety we are going to go over the paperwork that you submitted, check your blood pressure, take your temperature, and then check your iron levels with a finger prick." And so began my journey. A finger prick? I thought it was just the needle in the arm and we are good. I don't even remember what a finger prick feels like. My mind was racing and my legs were shaking. I go through my paperwork, get my blood pressure taken, have my temperature checked, and then she pulls out the finger prick. The blue box of death. She asked specifically for my ring or middle finger. I choose my middle finger. She takes my hand, feels around, and asks if she can use my ring finger instead. Why would you ask me if I didn't have a choice? I say, "Sure!" She opens her hand and lets mine rest instead of hers while my hand is shaking abnormally. "I am sorry", I say, "I have a huge fear of needles and I get scared". "No worries, we will take good care of you here, are you ready?" she asks. I nod my head and tense up. Poke! "Alrighty all done, and a lot of people say that's the worst part! Even though the other needle is way longer- this one seems to hurt the worst." Great. The other needle is bigger but hurts less, that is so reassuring haha. She leads me out to go and lay on a bed till the other nurse is set up. I lay down, and begin to uncontrollably shake. "You good baby?" I look up and see that the nurse is speaking to me and holding my leg. "Ummm well I have a really big fear of needles, but I want to donate blood and I won't leave until I do." She smiles at me, "Well, thank you so much for donating, and don't worry I got you. Just don't look and I'll take care of you. But for now I am going to get you a Gatorade and you'll have to calm down little ok?" I shake my head, yes but inside I am still so nervous. She walks to the front of the truck, grabs a blue Gatorade, and brings it back to me. I continue to shake my leg and begin to chug the Gatorade. My mum talks to me for a little bit, then after about five minutes she comes back and is ready to start. My leg starts to shake even more than before. She squeezes my arm a couple of times to find a good vein. "Oh this will be so easy- you have great veins". I couldn't tell if that made me feel better or if I was just trying so hard to try and make myself feel better. I was handed a blue roll of some sort of squishy wrap and I could squeeze it when I was scared, but I also had to squeeze it while the needle was in my arm. The nurse continues "Alright Raegan, here we go, I need you to take a deep breath", I continued to hyperventilate. "Raegan you have to breathe. Ready" I try to force my body to relax. "3" I am so scared. "2" if this hurts how am I supposed to sit here for so long? "1" oh my God I am about to stick a needle in my arm. But they said it hurts less than the finger prick, it's ok. In this real-life right now? I grunt and turn towards the window. "No no no don't flex, you're ok. All done, all done". The needle was in my arm, and a stream of red flowed out from my arm. "Don't look, don't look", said the nurse. "Are you feeling alright?" "Yes I feel good, I cannot believe I just did that" I said with excitement. I sat and talked with my mum for another 10 minutes before she came back and said I was all done. She slides the needle out from my vein and wraps it in the blue wrap she handed me earlier. "All done. Look at you baby, you did so good." The other nurse at the back of the trunk clapped for me and I was offered a granola bar or another Gatorade. 

   Getting ready to walk off the truck, the nurse asked me to sit and wait 15 minutes to make sure I was ok. Confused, I sat and waited. I told my mum goodbye and grabbed another Gatorade. I hadn't passed out, and I felt that that was an accomplishment. I texted Emma telling her I was done and that I was just waiting for the thumbs up to leave now. Suddenly, I felt hot. Almost like my occasional hot flashes, but something was different. I felt like I was going to throw up. I saw a trash can in front of me and decided if I need to throw up, I can use the trash can. Contemplating my whole life the nurse looks down at me and asks me if I am alright. I lie because I don't want her to worry about me "Yes, I am feeling good", "Alright, well just a couple more minutes and then you can go." I sit a while longer and realized I should probably ask for permission to throw up in their trashcan. "Excuse me," I say to the nurse, "Is it alright if I throw up in your trash can?" Her eyes got so big, and she set down her paperwork. "Baby do you need to throw up? Are you hot? You should have told me, come here" She escorts me to another bed, hands me a throw-up bag, covers me in ice bags, and hands me another Gatorade. "I am so sorry, I don't want to make you do this" she looked cock-eyed at me, confused maybe, then she smiled. "You're fine sweetie just stay here. In my time laying there a kid came to the bed next to mine and started getting his blood drawn. We spoke for a while, and 45 minutes later it was no longer the middle of summer inside the truck. I sat back down in the waiting area for another 15 minutes and she told me I could go. I asked for her name and said thank you. As I left the truck I said farewell to the man who I first encountered when I went to donate. He asked me about how it was, and I told him I would be coming back. On my walk home- I could not feel my legs, but I chose to finish my trek home. Once I was home I informed my mum and Emma of what had happened and we laughed about it. 

   I encourage anyone who hasn't to donate blood, and if you have before to go next time you can. It is such an awesome experience if you can step outside your comfort zone. Slowly as I have stepped outside and done more things I didn't think I could ever do, I have grown to have a better appreciation for things, and I have been able to experience so much more. As for the title- I love nurses. Specifically, Andretti helped me to overcome a big fear and she took every step with me. She made me feel safe and content. I am extremely thankful for Andretti and all nurses. Their jobs aren't easy- especially when they have to deal with patients like myself.