A Drive

    A drive is always a good feeling for me. I often feel strange in the moments when I am driving. Where I feel like I am having an out-of-the-experience, experience. I'm not sure if that makes complete sense, but I feel so good in the moment. I was driving yesterday with one of my roommates to softball practice, and we started driving around Cameron Park, through trees to get to the practice field. I rolled the windows down, the sunroof was open, and the outdoor breeze brushed my face as it traveled through the car. I was genuinely happy. I felt like everything in life was going right. 

    Recently, my year ago memories have been those of me being at OSU crying and counting down the days till I would be home. I listened to many sad songs- including the most relatable by Ethan Jewel's "Drive-thru poem". That song perfectly describes how I used to feel. Driving used to be my only escape, and music played a huge part during those drives. I look at her, the girl in those videos, and I want to hug her. Tell her it will be ok. I wish I could have given her a glimpse of where she would be in a year, so she could stay hopeful. Multiple times she says she knows it will be ok, but she wishes she could have some reassurance. From these videos, I realize how far I have come in a year. I still face the long-term effects of that time and often find it hard to forget those times. I am proud of how I have started crawling out of that hole. 

    I parked the car and got out to practice. I hit a home run, I caught pop flies, I talked to new people, I enjoyed the music in the distance from the birthday party nearby, and I had fun. A year ago I didn't even remember what it was like to go out and have people to play sports with. My roommate and I walked to my car and immediately turned on the AC. I rolled the windows down, opened the sunroof, hit play on some music, and drove back through the forest. I took a step back and appreciated where I was. I watched the trees pass by my car and let myself at that moment feel good. I sang and laughed. I took that moment in and felt every fiber in my body release. I am so glad to be where I am in my life, and could not be more appreciative of those who helped me get here. I often have realization moments where I step out of the experience to understand that I am truly there, but this drive was one of the most eye-opening times. I love you guys. Keep pushing.

R

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