My word

I am sitting here at Hope Harbor lifeguarding on a Sunday, crying about my fish Aphroditis. She was the sweetest fish ever, and I loved her so so much. Unfortunately, she passed away a couple of weeks ago due to a bacterial infection. She died while I was on vacation, so I never got the proper goodbye- and to make things even worse... it was her birthday. I don't know what brought on this sudden sadness other than the fact that I was looking for a new animal to take down to college with me. Of course, I don't want another fish because it feels like I am replacing her, so I have been looking at alternatives. I am upset thinking about the fact that I will not get to drive with her anymore. Taking her down to school with me, and letting her travel with me everywhere I go. Aphroditis loved the song Gucci Flip Flops and was a fan of LED lights. She loved all kinds of music, and car rides, and every morning she would greet me at the side of her tank. When I first bought her, she wasn...

I am flawed. Just like everyone, I have parts of myself I do not like and things I am working on changing.  I am flawed. I overthink. I think of every possibility to before making a decision, which means it takes me longer than most to come to a conclusion. I think of every good outcome, and every bad consequence. So I scare myself away from people. I am flawed. I am hard on myself. I don't let myself get by on any excuses, and I hold myself to such a high standard that it hurts me to not let loose every once in a while. I am flawed. I am a perfectionist. If I envision something in my head, then it must come out the exact way that I imagined it.  I am flawed. I try to put others before myself, always. Except, I tend to fail quite often at that- being that I don't have enough time in the day to cater to all my peoples needs. I am flawed. I don't take good enough care of my body. I don't go to bed at a decent time, and I wake up early for work. I take showers to keep myse...

I hate being asked that question. I hate it with every fiber in my body. Being asked that question makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up perfectly straight, it makes the water I just drank bubble and boil inside my body, it makes me turn red and release steam from my ears, it makes me absolutely furious. I won't bother going into depth about this question, nor will I state what that question is. I will, however, explain why it makes me so angry. I am not typically one to ponder on emotions or let my emotions steer my life. Easily I can detach myself from how I am feeling and make myself forget other times. That seems like a bad trait to have, or at least that is what most people tell me, and sense they are my friends I choose to believe them, but it also helps me in certain situations. Being someone who doesn't like to talk to others about how they feel, unless they are happy or excited, means that I can aid and assist myself when I need me the most. If I am sad, I can...